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I recently read an article on the internet regarding electronic language that threw me for a loop.  I was especially interested because I have been working on (in my head) a blog post regarding this very phenomena.  In this article, they claimed that “older” texters/emailers/facebook posters used “LOL” more often to indicate laughing, while the younger folks preferred “HAHA.”

My world was shattered.  I read it and I was like: ‘whhaaaaaaaaat?’  I thought for sure I was keeping myself young & hip with my use of LOL.  For those of you who are not “old” like me, but rather would be classified as “ancient” according to this article, LOL means “laughing out loud.”

So, I just read the last two paragraphs back to myself and the very fact that I used the words ‘folks’ and ‘hip’ pretty much guarantee that I’m not as young and rad as I’m hoping to portray.  I should just stop this post now and refrain from digging myself deeper into this hole of unwelcome maturity.

Lately, I have started to contemplate my use of LOL, and think back to when it all started.  Now, I’m not one to jump on the technological bandwagon right away.  I was 22 before I had my first cell phone and actually went without one again for several years until my first child was born.  We got them more in case of emergency when travelling with the princess.   It took me years before I agreed to send or receive text messages.  I constantly spelled out every word, did my best to be grammatically correct and stopped texting and called a person if I felt the conversation was going to be long.  I would NOT become a robot slave to the technological underworld.

And then one day it happened, I typed LOL to see what it would feel like.  I don’t remember what exactly was said or ‘typed’ when I used it for the first time, but I do remember that I did, in fact, laugh out loud.  So, my use of it that day was entirely appropriate and did not draw any unwarranted attention.  My LOL confidence grew and I started using it more and more.  It wasn’t just for actually laughter that was, indeed, out loud.  Being a sarcastic person, I used it to convey a joke to someone who may not know my humour.  Generally, the things I say might make one chuckle or smirk, but I’m certainly not laugh out loud funny by any means.  I used it to respond to someone’s attempt at humour in order to make them feel better about themselves.  I used it sometimes to convey a controversial idea, adding the LOL as a buffer in case the recipient wasn’t on the same page as me.  You know the circumstance: “I think I’m gonna have to stop having your kid over if she doesn’t treat my daughter nicer.  LOL.”  NO, not LOL, I really mean this, take the hint and discipline your little diva-jerk kid.

So, I have a younger sister, you remember her – the one that was duct taped to a chair.  She’s 10 years younger than me and pretty awesome.  She uses “HAHA” when we text and something is funny.  I should have known, I should have known right then! But, I kept on with my LOLs and sometimes realized that what I was writing was not worthy of it, but giving in just the same.  I was addicted, excuse me – I AM addicted.  Even though the article makes me old, I can’t stop.  I’m drowning in a pool of toxic sludgy e-waste language and I can’t save myself.

I do pride myself in the fact that I stopped at LOL, however.  I don’t know anyone that is funny enough to warrant an “LMAO”  (laughing my a$$ off).  Actually, I do know a couple but they are not people I have much e-communication with.  And I’m certainly not about to boost someone’s humour ego when they don’t deserve it.  I’m happy to give compliments freely and frequently when they are warranted but I’m not one of those “oh, she always has something nice to say, she’s so friendly and complimentary” people.  Translation: maybe I’m a snob.  Wait, that’s not cool, so I’ll adjust: maybe I’m a HUMOUR snob.

So, one step passed the LMAO is the “LMFAO” (laughing my f-ing a$$ off).  If you ever use this to respond to something I write, I fully expect that, the next time I see you and I ask you to turn around, there will be nothing filling out the back of your pants.  Otherwise, you lied to me.  And I think that maybe our friendship is a farce.  You obviously have no respect for honesty and sincerity and you were just throwing an LMFAO my way to stroke my ego.  I don’t need my ego stroked, thanks, I already know I’m rad.  Now that I’m working my way through this, obviously nobody should ever, EVER use LMFAO.  Unless, of course, you have a serious medical condition that causes random body parts to fall off when you experience sincere fits of laughter.  If that is your bane in life, my apologies.  Please send me a message, as I would love to connect you with someone who studies these rare medical conditions.  I also recommend you contact the Guinness Book of World Records, there must be something in there for you.

Finally, I need to touch on “ROTFLMAO,”  e-speak for “rolling on the floor laughing my a$$ off.”  OK, I won’t get into the obvious issue with a missing body part due to laughing, I think we already dealt with that enough for one entry.  I have to admit, taking the absent a$$ out of the equation, that this one doesn’t really upset me that much.  In my life, I have actually ended up on the floor laughing at something.  It usually involved being tickled and subsequently peeing my pants and/or kicking someone between the legs or in the solar plexus for defense.  I do not like to be tickled, I get mean, but if we are going for a literal translation (again, without losing my literal a$$), I admit that there was laughter at the same time I was on the floor and side to side movement that would qualify as rolling.  However, I sincerely doubt that I had the physical dexterity or mental capacity at the time to be texting someone while at the same time “ROTFL.”  So, again, even though I don’t think this is the absolute worst e-speak response for a funny situation, I don’t think it would really be fair to use … perhaps an amended “I was just … ROTFL.”  This allows you time to regain your composure and shake off the laughter that left you on the floor in the first place, perhaps leaving a puddle behind.

The point of all this ridiculousness?  It is threefold: 1. To give you a chuckle, perhaps even enough to warrant a legitimate LOL.  2. To hold myself accountable for my e-response problem. 3. To make you aware that some people KNOW that you’re lying to them.

Be sparing with your LOLs for the sake of electronic dignity and interpersonal relationships.  I promise to be more responsible with my own.  Gonna cut it to a half-pint from my current gallon.