Overthinking Mom Reviews: “Paw Patrol”

I lost control of many things when I became a mom. My sleep schedule, personal hygiene, ability to eat any food that requires two hands, the Apple TV Remote. You know, that slightly-thicker-than-paper remote. That one inch by five inch silver plated beacon of endless entertainment controller. That “you had it last, check under your pillow” fight starter. Doesn’t matter anymore, it doesn’t belong to me. Doesn’t matter that there is a three month old episode of ‘The Walking Dead’ ready to watch on iTunes. Why? Because I have kids and they run my shit now.

My husband and I endured ‘Drake and Josh’, we loathed ‘Caillou’ (and praised Odin when they took that off Netflix), we banned ‘Sam & Cat’ due to Cat’s overzealous desire to be the biggest, dumbest idiot in all of TV land. We encourage ‘iCarly’ because those girls have some spunk and entrepreneurial spirit! But then little sis realized there were shows SHE liked. It started off innocently enough. Big sister goes away with the grandparents for a week so the little has her chance to own us all on her own. She watches ‘Alphabet Party.’ She watches ‘Alvin and the Chipmunks.’ She watches ‘Paw Patrol.’ Man, she watches the shit out of ‘Paw Patrol.’ “Paw troll on the double, mommy!” is more precise.

So, we get to learn all the pups names and I won’t lie – the pups’ theme song is a catchy tune and I sing it along with my toddler. I work on my laptop while she watches. I do the dishes, I fold the laundry, sometimes we just cuddle and watch together until she wants more juice. Typical mom stuff. Somewhere over the course of this past week, I realize there is really a lot going on in Adventure Bay that needs to be addressed.

I need to take a second to give a brief synopsis of this show for those that don’t have a two-foot-tall TV dictator running diaperless and sticky in their home. ‘Paw Patrol’ is a cartoon show about a group of puppies who, along with their boss-man, Ryder, save the day in Adventure Bay when all hell breaks loose.  And it does quite often.  Roughly once every 10-12 minutes .

Adventure Bay appears to be a quaint town that not only boasts an array of marine wildlife (walruses, whales, mer-pups – that’s exactly what you think it is) but it is also relatively close to a significant mountain range where the token snowboarding “dude” appears to take up residence with an honorary member of the Paw Patrol. Her name is Everest, how clever. Here’s something crazy, there are penguins that hang out on the mountain too. And if that weren’t enough to make you wonder where the hell such a place exists with such a varied landscape, try this – the economy is largely supported by agriculture. That is, when Farmer Yumi’s carrots aren’t being pilfered by wascally wabbits! Oh yeah, and aliens visit there, too.  And dragons.  And dinosaurs.

The mayor of Adventure Bay, Mayor Goodway, is with whom I have the most problems. She means well enough and she really cares for her constituents. You can tell by the endless special events she plans for the town. Special events that sound really fun, but would never happen if she didn’t call in Ryder and the pups to “get there on the double” and make sure things go off without a hitch. She is accident prone and forgetful and, if she had any children, I would confidently diagnose her with the worst case of baby brain in the history of motherdom. She’s a flake, plain and simple. So, how did she get voted mayor, you ask? Well, it appears that nepotism is a strong force in the land of animation as well as our own.

Mayor Goodway’s Great Great Great Great Grandpa Grover was the very first mayor of the special town of Adventure Bay and he no doubt bred his bloodline for the politics game as well. The Goodways have a legacy to uphold and nobody in town is going to challenge that. After all, as I’ve already described, the landscape of Adventure Bay is one in which it would be awfully easy for one to have an “accident.” And now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure there are no cops in town. Other than the pup Chase, who, naturally, is always on the case. But I feel like it would be hard for him to handcuff anyone. Ya know, with the lack of opposable thumbs and all.

Where there is a goofball politician, there is always a sneaky one, and Mayor Humdinger of Foggy Bottom fits the mold to a T! He is a cheating, thieving, all-around untrustworthy character. He has his “CATasrophe Crew” (you guessed it – kittens) do his evil bidding so that he can keep his hands technically clean of any wrongdoings. It seems to me that the creators of this cartoon have likely had some unsavoury experiences with the world of politics. No complaints here, if my kids are skeptical of political promises as a result of watching this show for 27 hours each day, I’ll take it. “Don’t just blindly follow directions, young ladies, question authority! Ask why! Don’t just lie down and take what others dish at you! Unless it’s me telling you to get ready for bed. In that case, you better step lively.”

Moving past politics, I have a little problem with the entire premise of the show. So, the pups can talk, no big whoop, it’s a cartoon, I’ll let this one slide. But, it is reinforced that these are puppies, not adult dogs. See where I’m going? Are there no child labor laws in Adventure Bay? I’m assuming this town is somewhere in North America, as most of the characters are white and have no discernible foreign accent. Having lived in both the US and Canada, I am 100% certain that if my parents had sent me out to pilot a helicopter when I was eight to save a kitten from the roof of a barn, they would have swiftly found themselves in family court. “Kris, go get your snorkel on, there’s a walrus trapped in fisherman’s netting” just wouldn’t go unnoticed in the court of public opinion. Or the court of ‘your ass is going to jail for child endangerment,’ either.

A few other points: they get paid in pup treats, video games and doggie beds; they are often woken in the middle of the night to save the town from something that wouldn’t have happened if the humans weren’t such dumbasses; they all have to report to duty in every emergency even if their expertise isn’t required in that particular situation. These pups are indentured servants. I’m done.