I work in the field of sleep. If you know me, this is both perfectly fitting and, at the same time, ironic. Fitting because I’m a champion sleeper, I mean, I excel at it and really strive to be a kick-ass sleeper every day. It’s a skill that I have thankfully passed down to my children. It’s also ironic in that – in order to study sleep and help others improve their own – I must work when others sleep, thereby, henceforth, as a consequence, ultimately screwing up my own patterns. But, I truly do enjoy it so I keep on keepin’ on!
Like any medical professional, us Sleep Technologists are required to participate in continuing education to keep up to date on new findings. Usually these days drag on like my two-year-old explaining for the 47th time why Marshall is her favourite Paw Patroller over Rocky, who she thinks is kinda lame.
Blah, blah, blah – I actually enjoyed the topics and was made aware of a disorder that I pray never affects me, which got me thinking about another list. I like making lists. This one will be entitled: “Crappy Afflictions I’m Happy to Live Without.”
So, my number one will be what I learned about during my Sleep Education Day:
- Musicogenic Epilepsy: What. The. Bloody. Hell?!?! So, apparently, one in 1-10 million people suffer from this disorder. Certain musicians, songs, rhythms or pitches bring on seizures for them. How terrible!! I am a music fanatic and my taste ranges from Gangsta Rap (my daughters sing Ice Cube and House of Pain) to Rock (they ask for Foo Fighters and Chili Peppers in the car) to Classical, Grunge, (limited) Country, Jazz, Ska/Reggae, you get the point. Not a big fan of Polka, but if Weird Al was playing it, I probably wouldn’t turn it off. Bottom line: I love music, and if I couldn’t listen to it, I would be devastated. Just think of all the things that music brings you – memories of people, events, amazing feelings. Not something I would be willing to give up. Now, this disorder, as rare as it is, usually effects people very specifically – certain songs, artists, rhythms. People can avoid the offending music, but you can imagine it would be difficult in public. I wouldn’t mind if I HAD to enter a home or restaurant and demand that they not play any Van Halen because I may suffer an epileptic seizure. I actually may start doing that anyway, now that I know this is a thing.
- Light-Induced Seizures. No disco balls? No, thank you!
- Narcolepsy: So we’ve all seen comedies depicting the sudden sleep attacks associated with narcolepsy. It looks sorta funny to see a poor sap fall asleep in his soup at a restaurant or ‘fake’ an episode and pretend to catch a quick snooze in the middle of a boring conversation. But that’s only part of the affliction. Narcoleptics can go into full-on cataplexy – very basically meaning their muscles stop supporting them – in various situations. It’s generally described as happening in situations of extreme emotions. More specifically – laughter, fear, elation. Can you imagine the first time you find out this happens to you? Picture it – your dad is telling a joke at dinner — no, bad example, dad jokes are never funny. Okay, better example – it’s prom night, bow-chicka-wow-wow (sorry, mom). Things are getting fun out in the back of your boyfriend’s Thunderbird (go, Greased Lightnin’!) when all of a sudden, you’re starting to think “oh, this is lovely” then BAM! your body goes limp on you. Big Daddy thinks he’s the biggest stud to ever be studly but, in reality, you just had your first episode of cataplexy. Don’t laugh, don’t enjoy sex too much, don’t get too sad. At least don’t do any of those things standing up. Awful.
- Food Allergies: I’ll just skip all the boring ones and go right to peanut butter. I’m so very, very sorry to anyone who is allergic to nuts or peanut butter. Not only is it extremely dangerous – to the point many schools ban peanuts in lunches – but Peanut Butter, Man. I can just see The Dude shaking his head at this.
- Allergies to Nature: Bee stings are bad enough without having to worry about your airway closing if you don’t stab yourself in the leg in time. Some minor sneezing at the change of seasons, I can deal with but full-on allergies sound awful. Itchy eyes, runny nose – and at the time when you’re supposed to be excited about a new season to enjoy. What an awful affliction.
I may have just made a lot of enemies by bragging that none of the above affect me too harshly, but let’s go with this – only one in 1-10 million people have seizures when someone tries to be romantic and serenade them. It’s probably not you, so be grateful for that.
No Comments