I hope I’m not overestimating the use of wine in the day-to-day survival of moms everywhere. I mean, my friends and I are well on our way to perfecting the pour- on-the-move-while-not-spilling-a-drop-and-at-the-same-time-save-a-toddler-from-falling-off-the-chair technique. There have only been a few trips to the emergency room for dislocated shoulders, four bruised knees, a couple scratches and, thankfully, no spilled wine. It’s truly amazing. (If you honestly believe that I value my wine over my child’s safety, stop reading now and never come back.) Some mom situations are more stressful than others. Some are, I dare say, pleasant. But if we’re being honest, absolutely EVERY situation we encounter as mothers is exponentially more enjoyable with a glass of wine within reach.
That is why, my dear friends, I now present you with my extensively researched and technical list of Wine Pairings to go along with several common Mama Drama situations. Enjoy!
A. Morning Routine – mornings are very stressful in my house. Some people wake up grumpy, some are pleasant but then turn grumpy when they see how the rest of the house is acting. There is school – work – daycare to prepare for: a veritable ShitShow of sorts. I will not admit to drinking wine in the morning. I will not do it. But mornings suck.
B. After School – Reisling: I prefer a slightly fruitier bottle and now that the weather is a bit nicer and the kids play in the yard for a while after school, I find the sweetness of the wine along with the sun on my face and screaming children on the swings brings me to a place, usually on my very own deck, where I can pretend not to care that the swing is set one loop too low for my daughter’s preference.
C. Play Dates – Chianti: This is a no-nonsense blend for a no-nonsense situation. You want to have friends over? That’s great! Sure, invite them all! But, don’t ask me every 27 seconds for a snack, drink, or to entertain you with my latest juggling routine. That’s why your friends are here. Come near me again and I will literally just point to my glass and evict you from my personal space.
D. Sibling Rivalry – Shiraz: Kids fight, we’re not ever going to avoid that, but we can make it fun! Pour yourself a glass of Shiraz, making sure to compose a little ditty about the name of the wine as you do. Shiraz is just fun to say and if you wiggle your hips a little, too, the kids will forget what they were fighting about and bond over what a whack-job their mother is. Works like a charm.
E. Overtired Toddler – Pinot Grigio: Now, I may get some backlash for this one. I don’t like Pinot Grigio. I have never tasted a single glass that I’ve liked and said “I’mma go out right quick and get me a bottle of THAT!” Not once. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and a toddler that hasn’t napped and is just fighting sleep is as desperate as times come. There is crying, biting, kicks to the face, tons of tears, some of them even her’s and lots of bargaining. Once you get the monster under control, pour yourself whatever you can find, even if it is a Pinot.
F. Bath time – if your house is anything like mine at bath time, wine won’t cut it – shots of Tequila for this chick, please!
I hope my research helps a few moms (or dads) out there survive the day to days. I thoroughly enjoyed the hard work that went into bringing this valuable information to you. Now, go forth and be amazing, slightly buzzed parents!
1 Comment
That’s Great!! Hysterical