A Mom’s ‘Ria’lity: Homeschooling Recap, Week 2

It was a short school week for us, thank the good lord. Or lords. Or spirit energy, whatever you believe in . . . I have two pupils and they clearly have defined their roles in my schoolhouse. We have the Teacher’s Pet, who zips through her work, sometimes with a little bit of a lazy air, frequently asking for “help” but then getting down to business when she realizes that the answers are not written on my face. What’s often written on my face, however, is exasperation and pleas for cooperation. She claims that music helps her concentrate so as long as I don’t hear it, I’ll let her wear headphones. Plus, she doesn’t get distracted when I have to deal with Class Clown doing cartwheels in the middle of her grammar lesson.

Class Clown, who is 6, let’s remember, has yet again brought up getting her period in the middle of a social studies lesson. I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t want to discourage her from being able to ask me about such things, but I also need her to start focusing on the actual lesson we are working on. Luckily for me, I’m running an all-girls school and this information is actually relevant for all of my enrolees. Back to the lesson, she was tasked with describing her role at home. Her response: “I am an amazing daughter.”

I may have to institute a hall pass policy to avoid unnecessary trips to the bathroom. Pupil Jr. rushed out of the bathroom yelling “mommy, I accidentally shaved my arm!!” Pretty sure that’s not something that can happen accidentally. Dammit, girl, Jules and I are discussing the properties of air – can’t you just pee, wash your hands and buzz off?

I’ll tell ya one thing I’m grateful for at my little learning establishment – no peanut allergies!! PBJ ALL DAY. Every day is an anaphylaxis-free day. And for that take a bow and rock a fist pump.