A Mom’s ‘Ria’lity: Homeshooling Recap, Week 3

So, it’s been confirmed that we are not morning people. Or schedule people. Or quiet people. I really WISH I was those things, even just one of them, but alas, I have to face reality and understand my weaknesses. Along with that, I must face that I’ve inevitably passed along such weaknesses to my daughters.

We’ve tried the thing where we set an alarm, make our beds, get dressed, have breakfast and then get right to schoolwork. FAIL. We’ve tried the thing where I plan the day to start kinda when I think the kids will be getting up on their own anyway and not freak out if we are 15-30 mins behind. FAIL. So, for week 3, I went with the 100% Winging It attitude. Fail? (but questioning it and not in all caps this time). I listed the things I wanted to get done, sat down with the pupils and used my best Mary Poppins voice to explain the lessons. Every time they asked for a break, they got one. Every time I felt the need to raise my voice, I did. We ended up getting through the majority of the assignments and I think they actually learned something. I’ll put that in the win column.

In extra-curriculars, we started preparing to put together the solar powered robot I got them. I should have mentally prepared for that preparation session. It’s about 700 pieces that need to be detached from their plastic casings and I wasn’t certain – even for a second – that we weren’t cutting off necessary pieces or tabs. I’m anticipating tears and screams in coming weeks, stay tuned . . .

It’s a mom-daughter tradition that we hit a local farm for our annual disastrous attempt to complete a corn maze and pick up some pumpkins. Part of that tradition is us listening to the staff member at the entrance to the maze give us the rules: 1. Don’t pick the corn. 2. Stay on the path. (and new for this year ) 3. Stay to the side in single file when passing other groups. Pretty simple. We are pretty Covid-aware so number 3 was the only one that wasn’t immediately broken. I really don’t understand why I insist on continuing traditions that inevitably end up in firm talkings-to. Yet, I do.

On the plus side, the girls painted the $10 worth of pumpkins I bought and decorated our porch with them. Oh, wait, no … that’s not what happened. That was MY intention but they got the dolla dolla bill ya’ll urge and decided to sell them. Actually kept them busy while I got some work done so I didn’t mind. They were pretty successful, making over $35, and that’s when their entrepreneurial spirit kicked into overdrive. They declared that we shall return to the pumpkin patch the next day to purchase more pumpkins to sell. Not one to crush my budding capitalists spirits, I complied, with the understanding that if they wanted to be true businesswomen, they needed to take their profits from the previous day to purchase more inventory. I sure hope this batch sells, too, or else we will be the tacky house on the block.

I tried some reverse psychology on the turds this week. They have an awful habit of hitting and yelling at each other as soon as they enter a motor vehicle together. After yet another Tokyo Drifting sesh in the grocery store, shopping cart style, they went full-on beast mode on each other in the back seat. Quick thinking me: “guys, I don’t care who said what or who hit the other, I don’t want to hear about it anymore, be as mean to each other as you want.” My hope: they would be so shocked at not being reprimanded that they would assume I done lost my mind and worry for the future of humanity and everything they know to be true, prompting them to zip the lips until we got home. Reality, from Ria: “really mom? Nice .. Jules you’re an @$$hole.” (I was proud that she at least she remembered the grammar lesson that taught her she need to use ‘an’ instead of ‘a’ when the next word begins with a vowel). A-hole was followed by non-stop giggles. Until someone got kicked, there were tears, and I was back to yelling. Psychology doesn’t work on my kids, straight up, reverse or diagonal. I got nothing.

Until next week, my friends … stay safe, it’s crazy out there!