A Mom’s ‘Ria’lity: Homeschooling Recap, Week 4

You would think that a short “school” week would mean fewer opportunities for my children to drive me bat-shit crazy. You would think wrong. I periodically ask my lovely daughters if they act the same at their dad’s house as they do at mine. Their answer is always the same: “no, mom, we save our crazies for you!” Now, I’m not saying that they are bad kids, they most definitely are not. It’s just that they are quite talented at keeping me on my toes.

The little one was recently inquiring as to the hierarchy of this “school” I claim to run in our quaint little homestead. This came from my reminding them that they will still be getting report cards based on the effort they put into their work.
Child: “Who fills out the report cards?”
Mom/Teacher (Me): “I do.”
Child: “But who is the principal, like, who is YOUR boss?”
Me: “Also me.”
Child: “What if I don’t like my grade?”
Me: “You’ll have to take that up with me … honey, I’m the judge, jury and executioner.”

That may have been a bit over the top as far as an appropriate explanation for a 6 year old, but it felt right at the time. I figure if they save their crazies for ME, I can certainly make sure they know that I can keep up with their nonsense.

Both of our school days this week were interrupted for Doctors appointments. Thankfully I was able to find a substitute teacher for the appointment that ended up being two hours of waiting to be in with the doctor for literally four minutes. No need for both kids to miss half a day of school. I really hope my students don’t report me for dating in the workplace, I think they picked up on a little spark between the substitute teacher and myself. Oh wait, it doesn’t matter – I’m also the Superintendent and every member of the school board. Damn – who thought it was a good idea to give me so much power?

Appointment number two was much quicker but not as smooth. (Both were for the littlest poopface, by the way). She was going for a couple vaccines to stay up to date. I told her this on the way there but unsurprisingly, she was distracted by her iPad so when it finally clicked, there were tears and negotiations. There were a couple of failed escape attempts. I thought the Dr. was going to push the panic button and announce to the office via bullhorn “WE’VE GOT A RUNNER!” She almost made it to the door, but mom’s still got the reflexes of a cat, albeit a cat on her ninth life, but still . . .

The highlight of our learning experiences had to be the writing assignments this week. Jules was tasked with writing a friendly letter, she chose to write to a hockey player, requesting her card be autographed. Pretty outside the box thinking, I dig it. Ria had to put together a “how to” manual and chose to describe how to play dressup. Now her sister and I are on the hook to play dressup once her final draft is complete. Always one step ahead, that one!

I caught onto a game my older daughter has been playing recently. It’s the “I’m not really interested in doing karate via Zoom so I’m going to come up with every excuse to avoid the class” mind-game with mom. She frequently gets “kicked off” the session. Now, this has happened legitimately a few times (I think …?) but it’s odd that it only happens to her and never when the young one is on by herself. This week, they got kicked off once, got back on then her computer battery ran out. Cue the acting:

J: “oh, darn! I left my charger at dad’s.”
Me: “no, you didn’t, I felt it in your computer case when I took it out to set it up for karate after telling you four times to do just that before we had dinner.”
J: (nervous giggles . . .)

The littles are getting crafty, I’m going to have to sharpen my senses if we all want to make it out of this unscathed.